I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
