True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
