he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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