We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
