I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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