Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
