I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize