what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
