I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
