Define "chronic" masturbator.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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