I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
