why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
