So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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