I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
false alarm, still single
Randomize
