dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
