I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
