i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
