I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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