she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
