i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
4 words: hood of his car
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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