You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
