a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
