apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
