My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
