i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
