Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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