omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As shirtless as possible
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
