Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
