Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
