so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
