hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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