I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
