we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Let's get the cat blown out
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
