Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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