I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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