so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize