I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
