Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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