Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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