Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
