she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He? As in you personified your dick?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
