i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
