stop calling my apartment porn island.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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