On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
