not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
