a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
