Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize