Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
