he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
