He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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