I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
