my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
