there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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