i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
