people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
