I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
