Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
