Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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