Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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