I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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