it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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