Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
