She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
