If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
