he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
