You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am puke
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
