I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
