I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
