I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
