Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
