Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
