She is in my trunk
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
