i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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