I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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