"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
