fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
