It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
