is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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