I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
