i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
