she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
