Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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