I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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