last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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