I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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